I’m the one that gets your heart racing,
I’m the one that makes your body tingle,
I’m the one that consumes you at night,
I’m the one that gets inside your head,
I’m the one constantly beside you in bed.
A love affair or a battle with my over active racing thoughts?
In my quest to be mindful this month I’m also owning a lot of feelings that I’ve suppressed.
I haven’t had a full blown panic attack in a long time but sometimes I feel it there, close by. Ready to rear its ugly head without the slightest provocation. And in the most unlikeliest of places. Like the supermarket. Sitting on the couch. My bed, lying awake in the middle of the night. Even driving in the car it has the ability to hit me, so often without warning. Sometimes it feels like it’s just underneath the surface.
Sometimes I feel like the proverbial duck. You know the one, it appears calm on the surface but underneath it’s paddling like crazy to stay afloat. I start sweating, the palpitations come and I feel breathless, my legs turn to jelly and then crazy thoughts start racing through my head.
But this little duck is getting better. Most of the time when the waters start getting choppy I know what to do. Breath. Deeply. Slowly from deep inside. I try to just go with the flow and accept it, knowing it will pass. And gradually it does.
What keeps me grounded is bringing my thoughts back to the present. Back to the now and what’s right in front of me. Dealing with that and nothing else.
It reminds me of a quote in my Gratitude Journal the other day. “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance” … Eckhart Tolle
I think back to some of the simple things that I enjoyed today:
- The sun on my back as I walked Harry this morning
- Autumn sunshine and balmy wind that dried our clothes
- Rainbow Lorikeets flitting around in a tree in our backyard
- Brilliant blue skies
- Chrysanthemums in my garden. Blooming just in time for Mothers Day
I hope that your day is filled with simple pleasures and you’re able to find joy in the ordinary things. May you all enjoy the journey. And keep those little black ducks at bay!
Hopefully we can all try and be a bit more mindful as we march into May.