Life teaches us lessons in the most unexpected places. Last weekend while camping fairly close to home I walked one of the hardest tracks ever. It was steep and it challenged me. And it made me reflect on my life this past year and where I’m going in the future.
The past week has been a soul searching time for me.
This time last year my life changed completely.
It has nothing to do with my unwell mum but perhaps it has everything to do with her. For it was this time last year I was at my most vulnerable. My defences were down and my heart was wide open and raw with pain, angst and worry. There should have been caution tape around it.
What happened then reawakened something in me and turned my world upside down. On the outside I was the same person, but on the inside I’d been split in two.
I thought I’d found a way through, a distraction. I thought I’d been thrown a life line but it turned into a slippery pathway that consumed me and nearly destroyed me.
I’ve felt torn and raw, much like our walk on the weekend, one that left me breathless and my feet aching from raw skin that rubbed off and a bruised and broken toe nail.
When I read this week’s Daily Post Photo Challenge was ‘Future’ I realised I’d lost my focus completely. I’d become consumed with something that wasn’t real.
And this walk seemed somehow symbolic. It was a rocky path I had to tread.
I just didn’t realise how rocky it was going to be.
During the past year I’ve shed buckets of tears and slowly lost my peace of mind. I’ve lain awake endless nights but finally I realised things had to change.
I had to take back control of my life. I prayed for guidance and strength. And somewhere, deep inside me, I found it. It ended today.
The beauty has always been around me but I’d become consumed with an illusion. This time last year life threw me a test. I took the dangerous way but I’m finding my way out.
Life and the pursuit of peace and happiness is often like that. A steep uphill climb that we feel we’ll never reach. But we do. To have courage we need to conquer our fears, and shift our focus. And then the walk downhill is easier. With faith we can breath again.
I no longer fear the future. Although I don’t know what lies ahead (who does?) and I still have a lot of healing to do, I know I’m on the right path. With the right people beside me.
The future will take care of itself now that I’ve made peace with the present.
I wish you all strength and courage in facing your mountains and your decisions in life. Wishing you hope and faith in the future, whatever it holds.